Pre-Order Too Big To Fail, Part One

Pre-Order Too Big To Fail, Part One On BandCamp right now!
Get a sneak peek at two of the tracks and access to two bonus cuts that won’t be on the other stores.
Available on iTunes, Amazon, Spotify, and other stores on August 26th, 2016.

This is a test

Just making sure this is still working. No reason. Ignore this is happening.

YouTubin’ ’bout the Homies

I’ve been lucky enough to travel in the past spend time with some amazingly brilliant and talented people since jumping in head first into the Nerdcore scene. I gots tales to tell, and this one is about some of the nicest people I’ve been lucky enough to share that time with. Hope ya dig it.

Making Albums Like I Make Babies

Beefy and Olly making hits.


I should update this site…

House of Nerds

Good morning, Internet. As I write this, my wife is on her way to interview for a teaching position. Very first interview. If you could see to it that she does amazingly, I will be forever in your debt. Amen.

My good friend Tanner4105 and I are putting out an album. Before that though, we’re putting out a mixtape to whet the palate. It takes me a while to do things, what with all the grown up responsibilities I’ve spoken about previously, but for now we do offer you this new short track inspired by Netflix’s House of Cards. We call it “House of Nerds” and take a fictional turn at the origin stories of my little corner of nerdcore.

Both the mixtape and the new album are due out later this year with all the proceeds going to our bank accounts because this is America, damnit, and capitalism is how we do!

A lot of people hate on Router because it seems like the cool thing to do and it’s easy to take shots. I feel bad for perpetuating that, but there really is no way for me to talk about my history in entertaining without referencing her heavily. We shared a lot of shows together throughout the West and I had to deal with her antics firsthand. Girl was like a sister that blew shit up all the time but you still had to love her despite that because she’s family. Then she went way far gone. Now we just have the stories. I miss you ’09 Router. RIP.

In other news, if you don’t follow me on the social medias, Chandra and I are having a baby expected Oct 31st, 2015!

makin' copies


We don’t know if it’s a boy or girl yet, but names don’t seem to matter since it will most likely be referred to as some form of “Beef Jr” or “Beefette” for the next bunch of years. Chan doesn’t seem to like the names I’ve been coming up with, though:

  • Raekwon
  • Marshawn
  • Banana Face
  • Rhaego, the Stallion Who Mounts the World
  • Aloysius
  • Tyrone
  • Obviously some compromises will have to be made. I think Raekwon Danger Moore sounds pretty legit though. I hope you all enjoy the new track and remember that if you don’t it will sadden my unborn child. Do you really want that on your conscience? I didn’t think so.

    -love beef

    Doc I need you

    Dearest Internet, What up?

    So the title of this post is what I put in the subject line when I e-mailed Doctor Awkward a few weeks ago. I’m pretty sure this is the last round of the VPC3 and the challenge was to make a collaboration track and have the feature make sense. At least I think that’s what the goal was. To be honest I kind have been skimming it and letting Tanner tell me if I’m off base. I had a verse on the first demo beat Tanner sent and had the bare bone outline of a chorus, then begged for help from my buddy Doc Awk.

    I didn’t seem to need to beg much, cause it seems like he was feeling it. Doc, with what he already has going on on top of holidays and work, also got sick. Shit! What we gonna do?! Our backup didn’t end up finishing his verse either! TANNER WHAT IS WE GONNA DO?!? Doc is a superhero though and on the final day we get an amazing verse and then a way better version of the hook I had mumbled through in the demo. Tanner completely reworked the beat and made it super dope and beefy-style-pop unique and I present to you “Don’t Make Me Go.”

    I love the jobs that I have. I’m a giant fan of my co-workers and customers and clients. But goddamn dude I just don’t want to go some days. Example, I’m sitting here writing this instead of jumping into the shower and ironing my shirt because I have to be at work in like an hour and I need to hustle. But… internet. I need to write on her right this moment for some reason. I feel like Doc could relate. Who works harder? I know this is a common theme with me. I write what I know and lately what I know is like 70-80 hour work weeks. Don’t worry. There will be more songs about video games and girls soon.

    I hope you dig the track and vote for it and stuff. Tanner did an amazing job as always. He’s extremely versatile and he’s fearless in trying new things. Also, thank you again Doc.



    Howdy Internet. Has me working more made you feel neglected, Internet? I’m sorry baby. But daddy needs dat paper.

    Do you ever play videogames (oh, I don’t know, like, in the vein of LoL) and kind of go on tilt and get fired up because the bot lane is feeding and you have some weird comp breaking meta up top, and the jungle keeps trash talking you about your mechanics and you let that get you a little riled up in your insides? Ever turn that inward aggression into outward hostility and begin shit talking your entire team based on lewd, misogynistic, cave-man bullshit you learned as a child and would never identify with in the “real world”, but more regurgitating the same cleaver/horrible/awful comments you’ve read in internet-past as an exercise in hostile language as opposed to a statement of fact reflecting your character? For example, you have no idea what a “noobfag” is really, but you’ve seen it playing games online from some kid with a name like xXx[[TRRP3VILL]]xXx. I know you have. In the “real world” you would never have a context for this word, really. In what scinario would it be relevant except for mocking very new, gay babies? Why would you mock a baby? You wouldn’t, you’re not a moster. That baby doesn’t have sexual orientation yet, man. Don’t mock children. I shouldn’t have to tell you that.

    Anywho, I made a song about getting salty while playing games and letting it affect your “real life”. It’s called Salty and its mine and Tanner’s submission for Round 2 of the VPC3. Tanner worked incridebly hard to make the dopest thing we’ve done ever in the history of the world, while I tenderly carressed it with my georgeous mind and then terrible voice. It’s the kind of highbrow thing you’ve come to expect from our work, and at it’s best. I’m going to use my own quote for our eventual album, so I wanted that last sentence to look good.

    Please go have a look and listen at the VPC3 Tumblr page and vote for what you feel in your heart is the dopest/insightful/whatever song about the nerd life, and then also just give me a 5 because you love me and you want to see me succeed, because in life it’s not about who you know; it’s about how many you know. Right? Whatever, just go vote and help spread that love.

    Thank you,

    love beef

    That Ender Wiggins is Going Places

    The Vocalist Producer Challenge 3 (heretofore referred to as the VPC3) is officially upon us! You may remember some time ago when I participated with Beaker, and this year I’ve teamed up with my amazing musical cohort tanner4105 of any number of amazing projects, most of which involving people like myself and ytcracker. For the first round we were tasked with basically getting inside the head of a character from popular fiction. Since I did a lot of that with TV shows and movies on the last album and EP, this time I decided to go literary… again. I just remembered about Hear Me Roar. Anywho, I picked the sci-fi masterpiece Ender’s Game.

    Tanner’s good, huh? This year, the VPC will be decided not only by popular vote, but also by a panel of judges. That being said, we still want the best scores so you should for sure go to the picture-link-hybrid and vote it up. You can do the same for all of the tracks this round. And I know you love me (almost as much as I love you) but I’m going to have to insist that you don’t give us 5 stars and then gives everyone else 1 star. I love your passion and drive. But don’t do it. I appreciate it though. Your heart is in the right place.

    That is all, I have to go brainstorm for round 2. It’s about dat nerd life but I’m running out of material on that subject. I’m getting too old for this shit, Riggs.


    New Album, Doctor Who, and How I Made People Think I Didn’t Like My Family

    It’s done, Internet. It. Is. Done.

    Art by Cubosh

    Tomorrow (8.19.2014) my new album Grown Up will be available to the masses. That’s not a crack on the weight of my fanbase. You guys are crazy hot. I’m just saying that I am at the height of anxiety and excitement.

    Doctor Who fans know that the 12th (or 13th if you count the War Doctor) Doctor will be making his debut on August 23rd. But before we start falling in love with Peter Capaldi, I’d like to revisit Amy, Rory, and the 11th and by far cartooniest Doctor to date with this little video I made for my new track “Girl Meets Doctor.”

    In the lead up to Grown Up coming out, I’ve been lucky enough to do a couple interviews with my internet homies. About a week ago I did an interview with Will at the Unheard Nerd (stream below) and just the other day I went to see Matt and Shannon of Seattle Geekly who happened to be in town for SpoCon. That interview should be up later this week. Finally, tomorrow I’m set to talk with Steve over at the BoneBat Show! My favorite part about doing these Seattle based podcasts is that I get to talk about the Seahawks, which brings me oh-so-much joy! If you’re a podcasting-type person who’d like to hear me mumble and talk to fast, hit me up at beefiness at gmail.

    Ok, so the album is about to come out and people have heard the title track, and the feedback I’ve gotten back about it seems to be “Beefy, you sure don’t like having a family!” The first time I heard it, I thought it was just one person misinterpreting. Now it kind of seems like that is the general consensus. How the hell did I go so wrong?

    Unquestionably, there will always be two of me. Beefy, who wants to be the center of attention, if not the world. Who wants to go to every show and rap at every event and be in every video and give the handful of fans he has each and every little bit of him. Then there’s Keith who is a dedicated support and a proud step parent for 6 years and (hopefully) a loving and good husband who wants nothing more than to spend every moment privately with his family. Unfortunately, I don’t know how to rap in Keith voice.

    “Grown Up” isn’t intended to depict how “it all went wrong” and how sweet life would be if not for that annoying loving family thing I have going on the side. My sarcasm must not be on point. I very much do still watch shows till sunrise. I do use an awful lot of pun. One time I ate French fries as the only meal of the day. There are expected roles you’re supposed to fulfill as a parent, and doing fun, slightly irresponsible things are supposed to go by the wayside as far as I’ve been led to believe. But that’s not the case. I list all of the cool and amazing shit I used to do as a rapping virgin and the struggles involved with being a husband and father figure to show that, even though it’s hard work and not in the least bit glamorous, I chose this life. I love this life. I didn’t get Chan knocked up and had a shotgun in my back when I put a ring on her finger. I don’t have some rare disease that requires me to be around Nugget at least 24 hours a week or else I grown a second head. This is my sweet life. And the only way someone can understand it is if they go through it themselves. And you don’t understand the hardships and why it’s all worth it until you jump in with both feet. I didn’t know. My mom and wife love telling the story that, before Nugget, I didn’t like and never wanted kids. Now I make faces and coo at every little kid I see. It turns out kids love Beefy. I’m like young Santa to them. But there is always be that piece of my insides that wants to go on tour with Eugene. I can’t help it.

    God I hope that’s the only thing I have to explain about the album. Everything else is Mustin’s fault.

    Love beef