Bloody Hell

Internet! You were supposed to tell the people I retired! Now I’m getting people e-mailing and calling and texting asking if I’m alive, and it’s all your fault!

I’m semi-retired, in as much as the real world has seized me about the crotch and throat and is forcing me through the nitty gritty of the universe and has plunged me deep within the depths of “real life.” At times, dear reader, I can admit that it is more than a little… upsetting. Gone are the days where work would be the thing I did in-between gigs I was excited about. I work two jobs, and while I’m not trying to make it an excuse, I am willing to allow it to be the actual legitimate excuse it is where pertaining to my complete lack of productivity and my disappearance by-and-large of social media. Also the Seahawks won the Superbowl so it’s already been a pretty emotional year.

But I come out of my self-prescribed retirement for what? To tell you I’m not at all really truly retired, as I am performing April 26th in Seattle for the Comedy of Horrors Film Fest presented by BoneBat. It’s being held at the Central Cinema and the festivities kick off at 2pm. I’m going to rap till I’m sweaty, and Kyle of Kirby Krackle will do the exact same thing, except for singing and guitar playing and exuding handsome. As I write this, only 12 tickets remain. I know right? Super legit. And people who bought the dope ass swag bag will be getting a copy of my “only-being-sold-at-shows” album The Adventures of Beef Thompson – Check Your Local Listings: NEW EPISODES. Partly because Steve (dude organizing film fest) thought the peeps would dig it, and partly because I wanted to have an album with the longest possible title ever.
So that was a lot of info dump, I realize. Here is the tl;dr version: WITH PICTURES AND VIDEO!


APRIL 26TH!! SEATTLE! CENTRAL CINEMA! BEEFY!

Let us not forget that my good friends who run Seattle Geekly and those asshats who comprise Death*Star are helping to sponsor the film fest, which is outrageously cool.

So you may have been asking yourself while reading that paragraph earlier, “but what makes The Adventures of Beef Thompson – Check Your Local Listings: NEW EPISODES different from The Adventures of Beef Thompson – Check Your Local Listings album I bandcamp’d for free months and months and months ago?” I’m glad you asked. For starters, it has new songs like this:

More precisely, it contains more songs I had put out recently, as well as tracks I had been holding onto for an album I wasn’t going to be finishing anytime soon, and decided to add those to this. They’re good, but I was slow. I’m not gonna GRRM you. I could die at literally any minute. Have my works. BUT YOU MUST PAY! HA!! Unless you don’t, in which case let me add a wholehearted jk geis.

Let’s wrap this up: How great was the first episode of Game of Thrones? I recently finished A Dance of Dragons that I had held back on, so I am all GOT geeked out right now. There is, in my opinion, a dope Song of Ice and Fire track on my fabled Mustin album, but I learned that my cell phone was playing in the background of a track, and basically my unprofessionalism has cost us yet more time. To sum up, I am the worst. I’m going to plug in my mic this week though. For real. Very soon. Right after work. Promise.

Love beef.

Foie Gras Straight Out the Duck, and Beef Straight From the Butcher

What it is, Internet?

On Thursday, your good friend and mine, Adam WarRock, e-mailed about doing a free track. Duh. Of course. Eugene is on that higher level of awesome internet person I’ve met in real life that feels like we’ve been good friends since childhood. We’ve hung out on both coasts now, and he is dope in any timezone. However, where it takes me several months/years/whatevers to complete any of my own tracks, I like to make working with WarRock a challenge. HE IS SO PRODUCTIVE! For real though it’s really fun working with someone who has a fast turnaround time because it keeps the enthusiasm for any track higher, in my opinion. What started as brainstorming on Thursday turned into this full fledged song released early the next Monday morning about our relative freshness. (*Spoilers* Our relative freshness is high.)

Adam WarRock & Beefy – Febreeze Bros.

I’m not saying he’s coming through Seattle anytime soon or anything. In January. Totally not confirmed for sure 100%. At all. With friends. No comment. Along the same lines, on the day before my birthday I totally won’t also be in Seattle. My birthday is December 15th in case you want to make cake, just for the public record. And I wouldn’t be able to confirm it would be with friends who commute at a higher level. Or anyone representing multiple cores. Or Death*Star. Death*Star and Beefy sharing a bill in Fremont? Impossible! Did I say Fremont? Or did you?

You shysty, Internet. But I can’t help but be drawn to your raw animal magnetism.

My quick 2 cents re: Nerdapalooza

Months back Beaker gave me the heads up on the plans for this year’s show. He basically told me it’s go big or go home time. I got an idea of what the show would cost and what they would need to clear in order to hit the black. I figured A) this would be a huge success and I didn’t want to miss out or B) this could all go wrong and this could be the last Nerdapalooza ever… and I didn’t want to miss out. All the music friends I hadn’t seen in years would be there. People I haven’t met or people I had just met at PAX would be there. I’d get to see Nerf Herder. I’d get to hang out with Eugene. I’d get to FINALLY met Z. I’d get to hang with Beaker. I’d get to see badass locals I hadn’t hugged since ’09. So, I spent way too much money on plane tickets (protip: don’t ever be this fat) and knew full well that this was a vacation and I wouldn’t make a fraction of it back.

TMBG didn’t bring in the kind of crowd Nerdapalooza needed. Nerdapalooza needed a headline act like TMBG in order to take the next step. If the show were at a club/bar again, would Front, Lars, Jesse, Random, and other people I like still have gone? (I assume Schaffer and Warrock would still be there no matter what cause that’s how they roll) If they hadn’t been, I probably wouldn’t have found the excuse to return to Orlando and give a lot of cool people hugs. Nerda was a success if many ways. Just not in the ways where it really really counts. That being said, I defy anyone saying that they had a more enjoyable weekend than I did.

In closing, I will leave you with 2 dope vids!

-love beef

A Palooza of Nerds

Buenos Dias, Internet. Sometimes I think about taking an exotic Mexican vacation with you. Lounging on a sandy beach with a fruity drink in your hand while I serenade you with Spanish guitar. That’s right, girl. I’ve been taking lessons.

The last time I performed live and on stage I was in Baltimore, surrounded by Super Art Fighters and a Paul. There might have also been a Storm. And a Vince Vandal (but I didn’t realize it was him at the time because I’m stupid and shake my head to acknowledge I heard something I did not). THAT WAS FUCKIN GODDAMN A MILLENNIA AGO! Thankfully we’ve found some room in my 72+ hour work for 2 extremely awesome events!

Remember back in 2009 when I was all excited about going to Orlando and meeting Shael for the first time and doing the first (and only) Grammar Club show? Well our set was dumb because we’re surprising not great with electronics, but the entire experience was so outstanding and so life alerting that I’ve been pining to go back ever since. Thanks to the insistence of collaborator and online-love Beaker, I’ve decided to make the journey back to Orlando! Normally this is the part where I tell you about the exciting new Kickstarter I’m launching in order to get me there and… um… also incentives like… like a song or something. But I feel like that’s getting a little played out, so instead I just took out a new credit card and charged it to da game. It is not cheap flying my giant fat bulbous ass cross-country, so if you want to help me out at all, you can feel free to purchase Check Your Local Listings for far more than the required $0.00. And if not, that’s cool too because I’ll be there either way.

If you’re unfamiliar with Nerdapalooza then I assume you clicked here in your search for “big beefy gay men punching each other in chest” or you think I’m a rugby or “football” player. In which case I can tell you that Nerdapalooza is an annual nerd rock/rap/chiptune/electronic/art show in Orlando that has showcased just about every significant artist to ever even read the word “nerdcore.” We’re talking I Fight Dragons, mc chris, Dual Core, The Megas, YTCracker, ect. And that was just the year I was there. This year though, they’ve pulled out the big guns: THEY MIGHT BE GIANTS will be headlining the event! That’s huge. They’re a part of your life whether you realize it or not. We singalong to their Hotdog Song near daily! Particle Man! Mustin and I even covered a cover they did for the Mink Car Cover project! In the words of our good friends at Nerdcore Meow; They’re big in the shit.

Yet, the announcement that put me over the edge and led me to ask Beaker if we could share a bed turned out to be the confirmation of one of my favorite bands from my childhood: NERF HERDER. Just saying the name out loud takes me back to my time in high school, skipping class in my jacked up VW Rabbit screaming “Nose ring giiiiiiiiirl! I love yoooou!” to no one in particular. When lead singer Perry Gripp teamed up with the Attack of the Show crew for “The Girl At The Video Game Store” song and video, I squealed “omgomgomgomg we share one brain!” I was also crazy jealous that Oliva Munn didn’t make a video with me too. It seems only fair. Needless to say that I’m more than a little honored to share a stage with the boys who crafted the theme song for Buffy and if you’re excited too then we should party.

Moving along to a tradition spanning back to PAX II (before we had to signify Prime or otherwise), there will be a Post-PAX Party this year. It will feature Seattle vets Death*Star. It was feature the misleading Rotten Musicians. Billy The Fridge will be on hand to rap and to give sexual advice. PAX Headliner Random aka Mega Ran will be there to teach you about Megaman, freestyling, and language arts. And, it will feature me, in my sweaty chubby glory, trying to remember the words to Red Cyclone. We return to the Nectar Lounge in Fremont, so if you’re staying near the convention center you’re probably going to want to flag a cab. It’s on Labor Day so you know you still have a little more party left in ya. I’m crazy excited because Ran and I have never done a show together but I’m amazingly thrilled to get to experience it firsthand. I just want to make it clear here right now though that I do not freestyle. Not even when I’m drunk/high in front of people. Drunk/high alone is a completely other story. Keith thinks Beefy is an awesome freestyler on top of being super-attractive. And an amazing lover. Fact.

In other news, I’ve really gotten into watching/listening to the HBO eps of The Ricky Gervais Show. Karl Pilkington is the greatest thing to ever happen to my limited free time. Also I moved into my own apartment. Shit’s bare. Good night!

-love beef

Check Your Local Listings

Let’s skip to the chase, Internet. I don’t like to play games.


I prefer to watch shows.

Last week I put out my new free EP, The Adventures of Beef Thompson: Check Your Local Listings. It is a rare occurrence that I’ve formed this latest release around a central theme. For those of you new to the website, Vampire Hunter only really had one song about vampires. IN SPACE had a pretty weak track about aliens. But this? This release, on the other hand, sports 6 tracks about TV stuff.

I hope you dig it and tell all your friends about it. I think it’s pretty sweet. Loads more new material coming out soon as well. My album with Mustin is close to completion. We’re just waiting on my dumb ass to compile all of the vocals and send to His Mustinness. Also the next solo album. And a ton of guest verses like the ones I’ve done with Torrentz, Alpha Riff, and others lately.

Ok, so, I hope to announce more cool stuff soon, but for now I hope you enjoy your weekend and keep it sexier than you were previously keeping it.

Love beef

Hot Like a Megaman Fire Stage

Internet! Where have you been?! I’ve been worried sick!

I guess I kind of did one of those things again where I let shit stockpile and don’t take the time to write up a post and things get through unnoticed and friends are like “dude! Why didn’t you tell me you blah-blah-blah?” and then I finally do write a post but when I do I just write an annoying run on sentence. Was that supposed to end with a sentence? I’m in The Grammar Club, damnit! I shouldn’t have these issues!

Speaking of the Grammar Club…. (World’s best segue way!)

We are officially back. Shael Riley & I, in major cahoots with Ty Guenley and Alisean, as well as a roster of my favorite rappers, have released our 3rd project, Bioavaliable. Shael says that is the process of the body absorbing substances through the skin. I think the image is kind of gross and liked our first choice: Vagenius. It’s gross too, but in a way I’m more comfortable with. Less clinical. Title aside, this album is our strongest work to date in my opinion. We will never make another Balloon Flight or Alternate Ending, but I defy you to not add Plastic Submarine, Sex Person, Last Good Day, or any of the 7 new songs up there with our best. I just want to whole-heatedly thank Damien, Jesse, Dan, Eugene, SJ, and Andy for working on this project with us and really going above and beyond the typical collab track vibe, and really approached it as a member of the group. Grammar Club growing like the Aquabats! Except our kids show would be on HBO.

“This collective of musicians has put together a smart release full of fast paced and creatively pointed lyrics against a backdrop of tightly produced tracks.”Wired GeekDad

Beefy and Shael Riley with more than a little help from Ty Guenley (responsible in part for the music, production and mixing) have put together an accomplished piece of work that flows well, is fun and sounds great.”The Unheard Nerd

…for this release The Grammar Club has removed the governor, activated the supercharger, and other automotive metaphors as well. An impressive stable of guest stars and increased production values make for an album that is a pleasure to listen to.” – GeekSmash


The VPC is still surging through me! I missed out on telling you about our 5 and a half minute pop-rap track Beaker and I made called “Homebody.” We did not win. I guess people weren’t ready for 5.5 minutes of face melting, head bopping excitement. It’s cool. It’s not for everyone. Our new track for round 3, “I Don’t Want To Live On This Earth Anymore”, will not be for the kinds of people who try to convince me that Chris Brown isn’t a monster piece of shit animal who deserves to be put down. People in that category can feel free to participate in some other music competition. The challenge this round was for the producers to recreate a song without sampling it. I think. Producer talk is confusing. Beaker hit some roadblocks and then all of a sudden I have a remake of “Look At Me Now” in my inbox, and all I could think was that this was some kind of humorous ruse. Surely we’re not going to sample this douche. Very funny Bryan, now send me the White Stripes inspired beat that I had requested.

When you get lemons, make lemonade. When Beaker gives you a Chris Brown song, use it to verbally throat-punch a disrespectful asshole. Then dump lemonade on the wounds. I think the metaphor has escaped me, but you get my jist. I think this is the fastest I’ve ever rapped on a track which is pretty cool. And I haven’t rapped so heated since… who knows? I mean, who out there knows? I can’t remember a majority of my tracks. Either way though, please be kind and give it lots of votes. I suspect there has been a lot of “vote my song high and all other songs low” going on this round, which only sucks because I didn’t do that, but I totally would have! That is not what I want for you though. You can read my thoughts on a few of the tracks this round here, and Beaker and his posse usually talk about each round on Nerdcore Meow. Also, I want to do Nerdcore Meow again. Make it happen, Chadley.

I feel like there was more stuff. I know there is more stuff. Sadly, no more stuff that I’m willing to write about at this time. Go listen to my new shit!

-love beefy

Ya Know I’m So Sincere

Greetings Internet. It has clearly been far too long since our last rendezvous. You look good. Looking trim. Me? What have I been up to? Well I’m glad you asked!

The VPC is upon us! Beaker and I displayed our opening salvo before the competition kicked off, and now we present to you the trials and tribulations of being a part-time artist. Each round of the VPC (Vocalist/Producer Challenge) has a theme for each lyricist, and our inaugural theme was sincerity. I struggled at first. It’s easy to be sincere. We all have struggles. We all have strong feelings about shit. My personal challenge involved speaking of something that is important to me and relatable to my audience (most of whom I assume are also performers) without succumbing to cliché emotional, heavy violin type melodrama. My solution: the ups and downs of going from a musician doing regular shows and putting out a steady stream of music to becoming an father figure focused more on my family and work than having nerdcore adventures. It’s something I struggle with a lot to be honest, and as such it’s a topic I take on more often than not these days. I often feel like I’ve let down those kind enough to consider themselves my fans. On the other hand, there is no scenario in which being with my family takes second place to any opportunity. It comes from the heart.

Voting for the VPC is a challenge all its own. You have to be a registered forum member at forums.nerdcorenow.com, and also sign up for an account at nerdcorenow.com/vpc. As of this writing, Beaker and I are sitting in 6th place (after a furious early showing in the top spot) trailing the likes of Adam Warrock/Vince Vandal, Tribe One/Jesse Dangerously, and YTCracker/Project Zero. The surprise (in my opinion. It’s not surprising they’ve done well. Just that I hadn’t heard them yet) are Zilla Persona/Dain Saint and Sketch (rapping as Lex Lingo)/Bill Beats. Bill Beats shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone living in the Northwest, and I’m pretty sure I have a track coming out with Sketch… sometime.. in the near future, but their first offering proved to be a smooth collab. “Idle Hands” by the Zilla/Dain teamup is the funkiest, dopest thing I’ve heard in a while. The VPC delivered already in its overall goal of exposing fans to new artists. Thank you Klopfenpop. Job well done.

I want to warn anyone who is considering voting for me in the first or any round: if you downvote someone a 1 just so I can get a lead, then we will no longer be friends. Don’t do it. If you think a song is trash and you feel you wasted your time letting it infest your earholes (I’m looking in your direction Rob$tar), then by all means do what you feel must be done. But if you are “playing the game” to help me out, just know I don’t need it. I only discovered a couple weeks ago what was at stake for the winner. This is about fun. Not about winning, even though I’m still full confident that the result will see Beaker and I on a parade float, likely in the shape of something phallic. For lols.

So I hope you dig the new hotness. News coming soon about 2 new albums I’ve been working on (like there’s artwork and eeeeeeverything!) not to mention the fact that with each passing day The Grammar Club project nears completion. Seriously. We only have 4 more songs that needs tweaking I’m told. So be sure to check out mine and Beakers track, give us 14 stars (it’s up to you to find a way) and be sure to check out a bunch of the other artists. For kicks, you should post your round 1 thoughts here! Below are the lyrics (more or less) for your following along pleasure.

Beefy & Beaker – Part-Time Artist

What I wouldn’t do to be out there on the road with ya
Rock some hot shows with ya. Sell some t-shirts with ya
But I got a shift at eleven o’ clock
Followed up by another shift at ten on the dot
That is unless they call me in to start an hour early
They don’t seem to care to see me as the king of rapping nerdy
They see me as a cog, clink clank in their system
They see that I’m a rapper but they never seem to listen
And I can’t make it up to Renton for your next gig
I’m sorry that I haven’t rhymed up in Wisconsin
But the kiddo means a lot to my life
And I have made a couple plans to make a woman my wife
And they both really hate to see me pack up a bag
And think of all the cool adventures that we all could have had
If I hadn’t spent my duckets on an 8 hour flight
To spit sick for six hicks who weren’t spending a dime

Part time artist
Dreaming of a Tardis
So I could go back in time, do those shows that I couldn’t do
Kill responsibilities just so I could chill with you
It’ll get better
Baller like never
But I would give up every dollar I had
To take another shot at warming up your favorite band

Doc was like a brother, Router like a little sister
Like a sister into liquor and the love of many misters
Frontalot became a mentor, all the same for YTCracker
I met David and Hairetsu, realized I know some hackers
These people were my buddies, I’d look forward to our meetings
Hey yo Lars, I love your style, maybe wanna swap some CDs?
Maybe work together? Call me when you’re near my cities
Showed me life is for the living, taught me about the CPs
Now it feels like a whole other life ago
Am I a rapper just because I own a microphone?
The brotherhood that I was in, I couldn’t make it last
I flirt with fame everytime that I PAX
In an alternate reality I’m posting some hits
Beefy 616 has some excellent quips
But Beefy Earth X still an excellent man
A little hard on the eyes, but a hell of a dad

-love beef

VPC 2013

Guess what, Internet. I love combining music making with competition!

VPC 2013
Only Nerdcore Now could put on a competition that will pit Adam Warrock against Random against YTCracker against Death*Star again Beef Muthafuckin’ Thompson, but that is exactly what is happening with the Vocalist Producer Challange 2013. Starting January 4th, rappers will team up with a single producer and create tracks based on a changing round-by-round challenge. The community votes as well as being graded based on the criteria of any given round. Any team of two can enter. I’ve teamed with longtime internet homie and Nerdcore Meow co-host Beaker. Vince Vandal is joining forces with Warrock. K-Murdock & Random will continue their Forever Famicon flavor stylings. Benjamin Bear is producing for Hairetsu. Superpowerless has embraced MC Wreckshin. Project Zero has snared YT. The biggest question is what big name will announce their involvement next?! The beauty to me is that there are the relative well known names I’ve mentions, but there are also a slew of “underground” acts still scratching the surface and primed to enter both your ears and your hearts.

If you’re interested check out the announcement at NerdcoreNow.com and if you want people to tremble but sure to announce your team on this forum thread. I’m excited to work with Beaker for the first time and to discover a slew of new artists. I’ll be sure to keep you posted when new hotness is up for your ear holes.

-love beefy

Bowling For Shiva: A Tribute To The League

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#BowlingForShiva
A bunch of months ago, Rusty Shackles approached me about working on a project together. I assumed he wanted to draw me in the nude. Instead, we realized, over twitter, that our love for The League combined with his dope art skills and my “ehhh” rap skills combined with the tireless efforts of our friends could result in a fun EP. This is that EP! Since you’re likely a fan of nerdcore, you’re probably not that aware of the world of sports in general, making a show like The League not something that would normally jump out at you. Quickly smack yourself in the mouth, boot up Netflix, and shotgun season 1. Do it. It’s only a few episodes and it is really excellent. This album isn’t like the music shown on the show. I don’t make hilarious Taco songs. I do my thing. I try to get into the skin of my favorite characters and try to figure out what they might say if they were rappers. This is my homage to a terrific piece of pop culture that, frankly, is only now getting a fraction of the love it deserves. Welcome to Bowling For Shiva: A Tribute To The League. A Rusty Shackles Joint.

This album is in no way affiliated with The League, FX, FOX, NFL, DJ Khaled, or any other company/artist/actor/performer/producer/ect (though we are open to it) and we beg you kindly not to sue us! Thanks

Bowling For Shiva
A Tribute To The League
A Rusty Shackles Joint
[download .rar 45mb]
1. Shivablast
2. On The Clock
3. Taco Corp
4. Lineup Nirvana
5. RAFIBOMB
6. Fantasy

The Crew


Rusty Shackles
Brains behind the operation, Artist


Vince Vandal
Music for On The Clock, Fantasy


DJ Empirical
Music for Shivablast


Mikal kHill
Music for RAFIBOMB


Beefy
Rapper, “Producer”

Blog Raps [090612]

Salutations Internet! Missed you! I heard that you’ve been talking to Z over at Radio Free Hipster. It’s cool. I’m cool. Whatever. We always knew this wasn’t exclusive. So, yeah. I barely care. Whatever. Good for you two.

I can’t blog from my iPhone. Yes, physically I can post a blog from my phone, but these sausage fingers of mine cannot function on a touch screen. I just end up leaving out valuable adjectives and all together skip most grammatical normalcy. It’s the biggest first world problem I face on a nightly basis. Weep for me. So, that being said, I had a lot I wanted to say about the last few weeks, I needed something to record in my new computer area, and I felt too much time had passed for me to do justice to the experiences through prose. I opted instead to write rhymes. These are those rhymes. I hope you enjoy!


Production: Kool Keith – The God of Rap Dr. Dooom 2

-love beef